


Doubtful Dreams of Dreams

by PlumTea



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:25:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1345729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlumTea/pseuds/PlumTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vector may not have been infected with Masquerade, but there are red eyes in the shadows, and there's no way he can rule normally if this horror continues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deadly Wine for Dead Men

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ApricotTea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApricotTea/gifts).



When did it happen?

One moment father had my sword tightly in his hand, and the next I was catching mother's motionless body. Father hit the floor with a sickening thump, and I was breathing all by myself in a puddle of blood.

Tears pricked my eyes, and I thought I had a moment to cry, but I heard something call me, distorting my name with its haggard tongue. I hesitated at first, but a bizarre scream sent jolts down my spine, and it pained me to turn around.

I saw it then… a monstrous creature hovering there. It was bathed in the shadows, and its two protruding blades were around my shoulders, ready to cleave me in half.

"G-Get away from me!" I screamed, scrambling back. "Leave me alone! Don't kill me too!"

It let out an unearthly howl. My mouth was dry. My lungs hurt my ribs. Its blade was red. My armored arm covered my bare chest. Futile.

I don't want to die.

It loomed over me.

I don't want to die!

It clashed its blades together and vanished.

My heart pounded in my cold chest. I looked to my parents on the floor. Father's eyes still bulged, drooling into the cracked stone. His mouth would never yell insults at me again. Mother's back gleamed ruby red, dirtying her pretty white dress. She would never hand me books from the archive to study ever again.

The patter of guards rushing in from the hall. They shouted words, but I couldn't understand what they were saying.

I was still alive. There were corpses around me, but I was still alive.

My parents' funeral had been a few weeks back, and I'd gone and prayed to all the Gods I needed to; the Gorgonics to support me in my reign, even the nameless God of Judgment whose name we've been careless enough to forget over the centuries. I thought I was ready to take the throne and wear the crown easily, but what a joke that was.

Sometimes, I'd rot in the dark cloud of my memory. I'd given up hoping it all was just some sort of vision I had in my sleep, because when I woke up, delirious and screaming and asked after my parents, the servants would just give me these pitying looks. Those gazes were more sobering than anything else, for they told me I was miserable. With that hideous scene burned into my eyelids and the image of that unearthly monster ready to kill me, how could I not tremble in my own skin?

"My lord, it's not good to be afraid of the dark."

"I-I'm not!" I protested, but I knew better than to believe my own words.

I caught one of the generals casting me a sad look behind his purple veil. I could hear the howl of the wind beating on the stones outside, and I tried to keep down my frown. They told me that a routine check of the hallways would be done every hour if I was feeling ill, but they didn't understand. They couldn't.

It's dark.

It's quiet.

It's just me with the shadows on the walls and the corpses on the floor.

It's just in my head, I kept telling myself as I walked through the halls back to my room. It's just in my head, there isn't blood on my clothes. Nothing's dripping into my shoes. It's just the wind and the stones and the murals. Nothing else. Nothing else.

I turned down the bend to my room, and had taken just a few steps before I noticed something strange. It's true that sometimes the large castle walls and hidden passages let me slip away from people when I want to, but this sort of emptiness was on a completely different level. It was as if someone had turned off the howling wind, and the slow jangle of father's metal furnishings knocking against each other. I could still hear the blood rushing through my ears as my heart thudded against my ribcage. A knock against one of the stones brought out that low familiar thump, so I definitely wasn't going deaf. I could still hear my cautious footsteps, but I was the only thing allowed to make sounds.

Then I heard the familiar clink of armor at the end of the hallway.

I whirled around, trying to catch sight of the guard that surely made that sound, but I couldn't see through the thick shadows where the moonlight didn't dare touch. No, there were no guards allowed this far in. Only my room was down this hall, there were no other passages or gaps before the dead end. The guards weren't allowed that far in unless they were called over. No guard, no person should be down this hall ahead of me.

Something was there. Something, no, someone was watching me. I couldn't make them out, but there was definitely someone peering at me from the end of that hall!

The clink of armor sounded again, only it was closer this time. When I squinted, I could see something lurking in the shadows along the walls, something with gleaming ruby eyes. My breath caught in my throat, and I took a wary step back, clutching the beads at on my chest. There were no guards around, so I couldn't yell for help- it was just me, and those red eyes, staring right at me. Whatever it was, after gazing at me for some time, slithered across the stone until the red eyes floated eerily in the dark. It was as if that something had taken form and was standing right outside my sight.

Did it expect me to follow it? No, I wasn't going to risk my life going down there, to where I couldn't see!

I turned around, but a vicious snarl hissed from the darkness at the end of the hall, freezing me in place. It felt like the walls themselves were shaking with nausea, and I could feel the floor stirring below me as if I was standing on living flesh instead of stone. Whatever it wanted, the owner of those red eyes wasn't going to let me go, were they?

Cautiously, I turned back towards the enigma and took a step towards it. Still it hovered, watching me, but the mad sounds ceased the moment our gazes met.

I walked into the amorphous shadows, and the eyes floated just beyond a large, gaping entryway into a corridor. That definitely wasn't here before, but when I turned around, the thing in the shadows howled angrily at me again. The red eyes were glaring at me from the darkness of the corridor, and I was shaking so hard the metal on my body was jangling like rattling teeth. My legs were trembling with each step forward, and my hands groped the narrow walls so I wouldn't lose my way. The corridor was a straight path forward, but it was so dark, I couldn't even see my own fingertips on the walls. The only light here was that pair of glowing red eyes, forever hovering outside my reach. How long did this stretch on for?

A white glimmer, no stronger than the light reflecting off a jewel, caught my eye. If I strained my eyes, I could spot the faint outline of the exit, as the red eyes blended into the darkness and hopped out of sight before I could catch sight of its body. My strides grew longer; I couldn't wait to get out of this cramped hall and into visible light, no matter how weak it was.

I stumbled out of the corridor, but I'd never seen this large room before, and I was sure I'd explored every last hidden passageway in the castle. I recognized the particular array of piled stones that made up the walls quickly- this was some sort of temple. An opening at the top of the structure let the moonlight illuminate the room, so I was able to spot broken urns, jewels half smothered with overripe vegetation, and in some cases, the curved skulls of human beings. No doubt the result of long forgotten sacrifices, I thought. This wasn't one of the tidy temples of the Gorgonics that the priests doted on so often, but had been eaten away by moss and curling vines that groaned under my cautious steps. I walked towards the beam of moonlight to see just how far below the ground I was. I had visited a few of the temples before, but none of them were so hollow and vast like this one was, and deep enough that its walls stretched up towards the stars. I could hear the wind howling above me, and the drip-drip of water rolling off the crevices in the ceiling. To think that I complained about the terrors of noise when I was young! The merciless winds were now a comfort.

The red eyes and their owner seemed to have vanished, leaving me all alone in this strange place. The passage that had brought me here still lay gaping, so it didn't intend to trap me here, whatever that monster was. Still, there didn't seem to be anything important here, just some old pottery, some shriveled up flowers, a few pieces of scattered jewelry-

A silver necklace hanging off the edge of the platform caught my eye and I quickly snatched it up. I.. I knew this piece. My mother's necklace, something I had left on the unknown god's alter altar her funeral. How did that get here, how….

I was so focused on my thoughts that the clink of armor made me nearly drop the necklace in surprise. The sound was close, closer than it ever was before-

While before there was nothing behind me, now there loomed a silent, colossal creature, eerily blue skinned with red rubies embedded in its body. The gold encircled its limbs gave it a horrible glow in the moonlight, and from its masked mouth jutted out a series of bladed prongs that would surely slice any flesh that came close to it. Where there were supposed to be hands were instead curved knives so red I thought blood would drip off it at any moment, knives poised right by my sides, ready to gut me at any moment!

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I fell to the floor in a panic, just barely missing the metal barring me in place. My screams lay strangled in my throat as I looked upon the creature so familiar to me, from that terrible night I could never forget!

I had no idea where I was- if I had no idea where I was, how would anyone find my body? Would I be nothing but a worm eaten husk the time human eyes found me? Would I even be human, or just a pile of guts?

No, no, no, no, no, I couldn't die here, I wanted to live, I couldn't let this monster kill me!

The dark entryway I came in still loomed open, so if I could somehow break free and run faster than this creature, I could make it back to the palace. It was coming closer, and raised its blade, surely ready to cleave off my head, but before it could cut through my neck, I ran. I dashed to the doorway, past the crumbling urns and trampling the carpet of plants, but somehow I made it to the dark passageway!

It cried out, how it cried out behind me, and its voice was gruff and remote but right behind me and I couldn't even stop to cover my ears unless I wanted those blades to cut through my flesh! I ran through the dark corridors, and there were tears beating down my cheeks as I tried to block out the inhuman wails pounding on my eardrums. The horrible cries were shaking some of the ceiling tiles onto my head, but I ran and ran until the air was burning in my lungs and I could see the exit. I tore out of there as fast as I could and sprinted to my room, screaming for the guards the entire time.

There wasn't much protection between the hall and my room, but I still dove into a corner, grabbing the handle of the sword at my belt tightly. I tried drawing it, but all I managed to do is wiggle it in its sheath. There was a monster after me, it would be here any second, and I couldn't draw my sword!

I heard the clank of armor in the hall and shrank back against the stone wall. The clamor of footsteps grew louder and louder, until the ornate armor of the royal guards flew into sight. The tension in my body didn't lessen, but I was finally able to drop my fingers from my sword.

"What happened? Was it an intruder? Are you all right?" They were all talking to me at once, but I couldn't do much but spout incomprehensible gibberish.

"A monster— there's a monster, a temple, an old temple— a passageway to it- it's in the hall, is it still there? Is that thing still there?"

"I beg your pardon, but what passageway are you talking about?"

I looked at the guard like he had just turned to stone. I wish I could have come up with a more clever retort, but all I could shriek was a pained "What?"

"There's nothing in the hall, my lord, but your father's furnishings."

I hadn't shut it- there didn't seem to be any way to conceal a gaping door like that! That was impossible! "No, there must have been some way to unlock it! Something at the end of the hall- the stone! Check the middle stone on the righthand wall, about six stones from the entrance!" The guards stared dumbly at me, and the more they stared, the more my frustration swelled up inside me. "Well?" I screamed, "Why are you just standing there like idiots? Go check the stones! Hurry up!"

A few darted out of the room, and in strode one of my father's generals, who quickly barked at one of the servants to fetch me a drink to calm my nerves. Seeing him made me relax a little, but I didn't budge from my corner. Not even one of the top generals could possibly fight a monster like that, but maybe he could hold it off for a few seconds—

"Lord Vector," he said, and I snapped to attention. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"I- I wasn't  _dreaming!_ There's no way that was a simple dream, how could you say that—" They didn't believe me, how could they if they couldn't find the passageway?

"I have- I have proof! I wasn't dreaming, I have mother's necklace, it's just-" I frantically searched the band at my hip, patting my sheets and throwing my pillows off the bed. "I had it! I know I brought it with me-!" The words died on my lips as I recalled my frantic dash back to the palace, where I probably dropped it. I sank onto the bed, devoid of energy. "I'm not lying, I swear I'm not lying…"

"Of course you aren't, my lord, but dreams are very vivid."

"How many times do I have to say it wasn't a dream before it gets through your thick skull?" I yelled. I must look crazy, screaming like this, but I'm not lying, I couldn't possibly lie about something like that. They didn't believe me, none of them believed me…I had to bite back my tears of frustration.

The servant arrived with a pitcher of kava juice, and the general poured me a cup. "Perhaps you should take a trip, my lord. Your diplomatic visit to the Poseidon Lands has been delayed for quite some time."

"A trip- A trip…" I parroted, still trembling. Yeah, maybe that was a good idea. That…That monster couldn't follow me all the way there! And even if it did, the Poseidon Lands had a really strong Waterfall God protecting them, didn't they? Gods get really mad when other Gods try to sneak into their territory, right?

I took a swig of the drink until the burning in my stomach was stronger than the chills in my spine. "Yeah, you're probably right. Start the preparations as soon as you can. I'd like to leave in a few days, if that's possible."

"Give us four days, my lord."

That could work. It had to work. It just had to, I don't want to live jumping at shadows anymore!

Four days, just four more days… I hope I lived that long.


	2. Wake with Wings in Heaven

The Gorgonics were in an unpleasant mood the moment we neared the Poseidon Seas. They wouldn’t stop with their endless hissings, and I couldn’t even take a nap without them growling unpleasantries. My generals had just risen from their nice and pleasant rest and were as energetic as ever- well wasn’t that fine and wonderful, at least they didn’t have to hear the grumbles of our beloved snake deities!

The walls of Poseidon stood tall, age wearing the stone smooth, but not a single crack or chip in place. The palace was even more grand, all polished white marble and stained glass. Deep blue banners hung from the walls and stern guards with spears lined every wall. 

“Presenting his imperial majesty, Lord Vector of the great Empire…” I tuned out. All formality and embellishment, everyone standing here knew very well who I was. 

Still, I didn’t see anyone that looked like the king in this ornate room. There was only one person standing before the throne, and it was a girl. She had an elegant figure, garbed entirely in white with gold curling around her body. There was a loveliness about her, but it was as if there wasn’t warm blood flowing under her skin. 

A blaring voice woke me from my thoughts. “Presenting her highness and eminence, Lady Merag!” So not Lord Nasch, then. Oh, right, she was the twin sister of the king, the high priestess of the Poseidon Lands, Lady Merag.

She stepped down from the throne until we were standing on the same ground. I gave her a courteous nod, and she bowed her head in response. “Welcome, Lord Vector,” she said, her voice rich and melodic, “to our humble kingdom.”

“Thank you,” I said, trying out the language. My head was abuzz, desperately translating between tongues. “I didn’t expect you to be greeting us.”

She clicked her tongue, but she still spoke with practiced politeness. “Your party arrived a week earlier than we had expected. My brother is currently at a summit meeting with our neighboring powers, and will be back soon. We’ve informed him of your arrival, but I doubt he’ll be able to return in under a week.”

“Oh, I see.” 

“Don’t worry, we still have your quarters prepared for you and all your men. My attendants will escort you and your men to your rooms, and you may stay here in the palace during your stay, unless you object.”

For once, I was glad that the words clotted in my mouth. If not, something careless might have fallen out. “No, that’s quite fine. Your hospitality should be more than enough.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. All practice, all politics. I couldn’t really complain, the same strained smile was across my face too. Finally, her eyes dropped down. “And what is that thing?” She spoke of the Monster by my side, standing alert with its three ringed necks swishing back and forth in idleness.  

“Oh! Um, this is Gorgonic Cerberus… he’s my guard for my trip here.”

“What sort of demon is that?” I heard from one of the Poseidon guards. Strained murmurs darted through the crowd, and I picked out every mumble of fear. I couldn’t speak their language well, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t understand exactly what they were saying. 

Cerberus let out one of its low growls, but I patted it on the head. They weren’t hostile, at least I hoped they weren’t.  

“I see.” A dark look flashed across her face, but she said nothing more on the subject. “I do hope you understand, but I have to go tend to the temples very soon, so I’m unable to escort you personally to your room. The royal attendants will guide you instead.”

The curse of fast ships, always throws the host into a frenzy! “That’s fine,” I started to say, but a clink of armor caught my ear. 

“Merag, let me take Lord Vector to his room.” A warrior, clad in full-bodied silver armor, stepped forward, approaching both of us with ease. To act so comfortably- he surely must be a trusted warrior of the king. 

Merag looked skeptical for a moment, but she eventually nodded. 

The warrior walked towards me, and bowed courteously. “I am Sir Durbe, Lord Vector. Allow me to humbly escort you to your quarters.” His speech was flawless. His comfortable smile lay easily on his face, but I didn’t return it. Still, I let him lead me through the wide halls of the castle.

All the while, I was frowning at his back. His heavy armor was unsuitable for a hot country like this. He walked like a warrior, but didn’t seem as stiff as the guards lining the walls. The more I thought, the slower I walked, until I had stopped completely in the middle of the hallway. “Sir Durbe.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you escorting me?”

He laughed, but I didn’t smile with him. “It would be troublesome if Merag had to escort you personally. She is quite busy around this time.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Why are you here?”

Sir Durbe slowed to a stop, his armor clinking as he halted completely. He turned to me, still smiling. “Does a knight need a reason to help his king?”

“There are no ‘knights’ in the Poseidon Lands. There are only ‘soldiers’. Everyone here smells of salt from the sea. You don’t have that on you at all. So why are you here, and where did you come from?” Cerberus by my side snarled from each one of its heads, its mouths foaming with acid spittle. 

The knight looked at the creature, watching the stone beneath it sizzle away from each drop of drool. “That’s right. I’m not a warrior of the Poseidon Lands.”

I could feel my frown deepen, but I didn’t back down. “You speak very well for a foreigner.” 

“In time, you will too.” One of Cerberus’ heads snaked around my hand defensively, but Sir Durbe just chuckled. “Don’t worry, Lord Vector. I’m not your enemy, and I’m certainly not trying to harm you. I came from a kingdom even farther east from here than your empire.” 

“Lord Nasch isn’t your king then.”

“I haven’t taken out a sworn oath of loyalty to him, if that’s what you’re wondering. He’s my friend.”

Friend? What sort of backwards society had warriors, even of the highest rank, be friends with the ruler? Kings were supposed to be the highest of observers, to watch all of their people at once. Emperors had an even taller seat to watch from, high enough that they could play with the clouds. And this foreigner just casually climbed up that tall seat to chat with the king? 

I grumbled. Foreigners. “Aren’t you hot in that strange armor of yours?”

“This is just for ceremonies,” Sir Durbe laughed, “and battle.”

He lead me to my room; decent size, towering ceilings and large blots of empty space, but my gaze still harshly clung to him even as he retreated. 

The first day I imprisoned myself between the white stone walls of this castle. The Gorgonics had since calmed down, and it was too much effort to go bother with meeting and greeting if the King I had been waiting for wasn’t even here. Cerberus kept me company, and that was enough. 

They called me out the next day to watch some of the warriors have a friendly spar. Lady Merag wasn’t there, but I sat above the rest of them, watching shields shatter and swords smash together. It was sport, and I wish I could say that it brought my heart into a frenzy, but none of it was enough to make me so much as clap. It all seemed too much like a play compared to the tournaments my father hosted. I couldn’t help but shudder at the thought, my hands tightening at the thought. One victor, and nobody could retry their luck even if they wanted to. 

A loud roar drowned out my bitter thoughts, and I spotted some of the Poseidon soldiers urging Sir Durbe into the ring. He was laughing uncomfortably, but there was a twinkle of excitement in his eyes contrasting all the politeness that spewed from his mouth. His opponent was one of my captains, who quickly lunged at Sir Durbe, sword drawn. 

I had expected Sir Durbe to block it, but instead he dodged the strike completely, sidestepping out of harm’s way. The soldier raised his blade, but before it could arc downwards, the knight rammed the handle of his sword into the opposing weapon, halting the attack completely. It took just a quick sleight of hand for Sir Durbe to potentially force his blade into his opponent’s throat, but his opponent saw that and broke contact. A misstep- the soldier hadn’t stepped far away enough from Sir Durbe, and in an instant, the knight was upon him. He moved so quickly, with his white cloak swirling with every step he took, it was as if he wasn’t burdened with the weight of all that armor. 

The fight was over in under twenty seconds. Sir Durbe knelt over his opponent, his blade ready to pin the other to the stone before the familiar shout of ‘Yield!’ sounded. 

The Poseidon soldiers roared in delight, welcoming Sir Durbe into their circle with claps and cheers. My men didn’t seem nearly as eager, but they still applauded the knight in politeness. As for me, I found myself interested in the fight for the first time. 

Sir Durbe, so I found, was liked generally by the poor country folk, and admired by the warriors holding spears in the hall. Sometimes, I would hear those same warriors whisper between them of the gallant knight who never shed his armor even when he wasn’t wearing steel. He treated people with kindness, even if it wasn’t with equality, and that seemed to be enough. He smiled whenever I looked his way, and was callous enough to call Lord Nasch his friend. 

“Knights” seem to be his country’s likely equivalent to high-ranking warriors that served directly under the king, and with that skill and truly unusual style of fighting, it was plain to see how Sir Durbe could have solidified his position right under this unknown lord of a faraway land. 

I lingered after the spar was over on a balcony somewhere, having finally shooed my men away. Alone, I was the silent observer warmed by the sun. The air was lighter here, and the breeze wafted up the smell of sea salt and spices from far below, beyond the castle walls. The sparkling western sea stretched to infinity, and if I craned my neck to the side, I could spot the massive bridges stitching the islands together. No war ships on the horizon. None but ours. Lazily, I spotted a white spot streaking across the sky. Just a glimmer of sunlight, I told myself. I idly tracked it, but it didn’t fade away into the reddening sky. It took a hard squint but then I saw- a majestic white horse galloping among the clouds with great wings blooming from its back. I rubbed my eyes, thinking it was surely my imagination, but still it galloped on.

It was surely something divine, born from the light like that, but ah- it was soaring past now! I quickly broke into a dash. It would sometimes soar out my sight, but once I had cleared a few walls, I could spot it overhead again. Now it was descending, its legs poised forward, ready to land. My lungs were burning, but it was so close, just beyond a low wall by the stables. I rounded the corner, spotting those lovely feathered wings by a familiar face. I slowed to a stop, ready to dive out of sight, but it was too late. 

“Lord Vector?” I froze at the sound of my name. 

I slunk forward, frowning at my own clumsiness. “Sir Durbe,” I muttered, knitting my fingers together. 

He greeted me with his usual polite smile, still stroking the majestic being’s mane. “I thought you had retired to your room.”

“I couldn’t,” I shuffled my feet in the dirt, “Not after seeing that in the sky.”

“Oh!” Sir Durbe’s face lit up and he gave the horse an affectionate pat on its muzzle. “Don’t tell me you followed Mahha all the way down here!”

“Mahha.” I tried the name out on my tongue. “I’ve never seen such a lovely looking deity.”

“I wouldn’t call him that.” Sir Durbe laughed, but his throat throbbed with unease.

“What else could it be? Is it yours, Sir Durbe?”

“Mahha and I are partners and friends. Neither of us belong to the other.” 

Interesting. In all the countries my father had conquered, the Gods they prayed to never emerged to help them. If I hadn’t brokered peace, they would have crumbled easily, the simple fate of a country abandoned by their Gods. This… Mahha was different. Even if Sir Durbe denied it, I could tell, this was a being that reeked of magic. “Hello there. What are you called in the other world?” I asked, addressing Mahha directly. 

“Mahha is a pegasus,” Sir Durbe explained. 

“A pegasus,” I mumbled, marveled. My ears hurt. There was serpentine hissing in my head, and I could hear the Gorgonics’ hollow voices echoing in my skull. I had never heard them so delighted before, and the youngest was even weeping with joy. 

“The Guardians…are pleased that your family has survived after all this time,” I told Mahha. “They hope that you will continue to live happily.” Sir Durbe looked completely bewildered, but I spotted a twinge of understanding in Mahha’s eyes. 

Sir Durbe’s lips were sealed in confusion, and he finally broke it with a friendly. “It looks like you two have taken a liking to each other!”

“It’s nostalgic,” I replied, gently patting Mahha’s neck as soon as he allowed me to. “To them, at least.”

The confused expression didn’t leave, but Sir Durbe managed to laugh it off. “Well, if you’d please excuse me, Lord Vector, I was about to have some time to myself. Mahha, are you ready?”

The horse nuzzled the knight’s face, but I quickly stepped in. “Take me with you.”

“Pardon?”

“If I stay here for too long, I’ll get so comfortable I’ll never leave. So let me go with you.”

"Even if I decide to go someplace unsuitable for an emperor?"

"I don't really care. Any place but here is fine."

Sir Durbe turned to Mahha, his smile pulled taut but his voice soft. “Well, Mahha? Think you can carry another person?

Mahha let out a proud whinny, and lowered his wings in affirmation. 

“Well, come on, Lord Vector,” Sir Durbe said, easily climbing atop Mahha’s back, even swifter without his armor. “We’ll drop you off at your room.”

I frowned. “My quarters doesn’t sound very far away from the palace.”

“Unless you want to be recognized on sight, I suggest you remove some of your royal armaments.” 

My eyes fell to the golden royal armor hanging off my shoulder. There were no duplicates, so such a strange piece would be easily recognizable even on a foreigner. “Fair point,” I acquiesced, allowing him to help me up onto Mahha’s back.

Mahha stomped his feet, and began to gallop, far faster than any horse I’d ridden before. I clung to Sir Durbe’s waist as Mahha pushed down on his legs, and let loose his great large wings, flapping them so strongly I felt I would fly off at any moment. His wings beat the air with powerful strokes until the ground was no longer below his feet and we were soaring up the ivory walls of the castle. I couldn’t breathe, I could only hold my breath tight in my chest and marvel at the sight. Watching the ground from a tower and seeing it while moving were so completely different. The wind was much colder, but the vastness of the land and sea sent my heart into a flurry. I was almost disappointed when Mahha touched down onto the balcony before my room. 

I still clung to Sir Durbe, even with Mahha’s feet on solid tile, and he had to remind me that we had arrived. The moment he said that, I hopped off, my face hopelessly heated and dove behind the curtains to where he couldn’t see me.

I had no idea where we were going, and it didn’t really matter, I supposed, but for a place like this, I supposed I wore a little too much jewelry. Off came the silver bracelets, the royal armor, and with great effort, the layered necklace around my throat. I donned my hooded cape, but ah- the rubies and silver circlet still clung to the fabric, so off those went as well. As I stood there, looking down at the collection of silver, steel and glimmering rubies, I realized just how weightless my body felt. It was only the soft whinnying beyond the curtains that brought me out of my thoughts. 

“Cerberus,” I called, and the three heads quickly perked up. “I’ll be going for a bit. Watch over these, will you? I’ll be back later.” I deposited the accessories by its feet and it let out a bark of understanding, gathering them between its front paws and sitting before them. I gave it a gentle pat on the back, it was a good Monster. 

Off we flew, the cold wind chilling my skin, through the dimming sky. From above, the great trees looked like bushes, and the layered houses stood quietly as clay models. 

The tavern was illuminated from within with a few stray candles, and that made it seem more hollow than it actually was. The stool for a musician lay empty by the open window, but it was still packed with chattering people. The barkeep was behind his table, polishing mugs and humming quietly to himself. I hadn’t expected it to be so busy, but I couldn’t spot any of my men, and that was a relief. 

Sir Durbe glided over to an empty table by the barkeep, comfortably sitting down. He gave me a reassuring smile as I followed him, wrapping my cloak around myself and trying to keep myself as small as possible. There was an old map on the wall, and I found myself tracing the route between the this country and mine idly. A month’s trip looked so short on worn, yellowed paper. 

The barkeep came over with some drinks in small glasses, and I made the mistake of drinking it too slowly. Whatever it was burned. I nearly sputtered it out when it hit my tongue, but with some quick coughing, I managed to slowly ease it down my throat. The back of my neck grew hot, and I was suddenly aware of the blood beating against my temples. When the warmth in my mouth settled down, I could taste its vague sweetness amidst fire. 

“How is it?” Sir Durbe asked.

“Hot.” I pushed my glass towards the barkeep. “Now how about one more for Sir Durbe?”

The knight’s eyebrows creased, but that smile was a daring one. “Trying to tempt me into drinking?”

“Why else would we be here?”

“Fair point,” he said, and downed his entire glass. 

By the time we grew tired of our throats burning and had moved onto the tall mugs with filled with bitter amber, I could already make a small pyramid out of our empty glasses. Sir Durbe was bright red, laughing and slipping into a language I’d never heard, both melodic and poised at the same time. Sometimes, we’d make the mistake of talking to each other in tongues the other couldn’t possibly know, only to laugh and return to broken Poseidon tongue.

“This country is great,” Sir Durbe’s voice was flat and toneless in his drunken stupor. “No jungles, just sea, spices, and good ale. Good men to spar with. How is your sword hand, Lord Vector?”

I almost asked him which hand, but I stopped myself before those words carelessly spilled out. It didn’t matter which hand anymore, that creature hanging by my hip was like a weighted shackle. “Well, I suppose.”

Sir Durbe picked up on my uneasiness right away. Smart, for a foreigner. “An emperor questioning his sword?”

“You’re being callous, Sir Durbe,” I chided him, but I was being callous as well. 

That seemed to quiet him a bit, and he returned to his glass. “My apologies. But isn’t it true that emperor must have a strong sword?”

“Yes,” I replied after much wordless debate, “But I don’t know if I can do something like that. You move so well- someone like me just looks ridiculous.” It was the sword that took my mother’s life, after all. Even if it had been my father holding the handle when it cleaved into her back, it still had to sleep in its sheath at my hip, not his. It was a burden in my hands, as if all the hours I spent devoting myself to training were totally pointless. 

“Because it’s heavy, right?”

I blinked in shock, it was as if Sir Durbe had read my mind. I was probably making a bad face, I should stop that right now. “Yeah. It’s a little too heavy.”

Sir Durbe nodded in solemn understanding. “A sword is heavy. And it should be. After all, it’s a weapon to take someone’s life, and to make it lighter would cheapen that.” He suddenly stopped, as if noticing the frown on his face and laughed. “Besides, if everyone took the blade off, then it wouldn’t really be a sword, right?”

Since if Sir Durbe put it like that, I felt slightly moved. I glanced at the blade by my hip, still dreadfully ugly, but a little more refined. “Well, I’m hoping not to bring that to the table with Lord Nasch. I’d like to have my first talk with a king go smoothly without,” I trailed off, the wretched sword weighty on my hip once again.  

Sir Durbe’s eyes widened. “But surely you’ve spoken to other kings before!”

I shook my head. “Those were old kings with poor Gods. Lord Nasch doesn’t seem like that at all.”

“Nasch is great,” Durbe slurred, downing another glass. “When I first came here, I’ll tell you, I thought I was going to be speared through the throat but Nasch- Nasch came and talked to me and talking’s just as effective as steel sometimes!” 

“Your friend?”

The knight nodded and looked to the yellowed map, but there was a distant tenderness in his eyes, too fond for anything nearby here. “My good friend.”

“Lord Nasch sounds incredible. A young king to unite four fractioned lands.” I’ve heard the stories, tales of a king to lead powerfully and proudly after his parents’ deaths, always spoken in reverent tongues. How I’ve pondered over that, over a young king brave enough to stare down my father’s constant threats of invasion. Even with the distance between them, that was a miraculous feat, and I had the chance to meet this child of miracles… or rather, I would meet him soon. 

“I would wait until you speak to him first. An image is not a man! You can only befriend living beings!” Sir Durbe laughed, but my lips were stitched shut. Well, Sir Durbe could say that easily. After all, he has the real thing, so what does he have to concern himself over? Lord Nasch doesn’t see me, he couldn’t even postpone his whatever to deal with a visiting emperor. If I don’t have the real thing in front of me, I’m satisfied with his image. If Sir Durbe says I can’t, then maybe I’ll be the first person to the first person to do so. 

My gaze dropped into my hands. “If I use my power to force Lord Nasch into my timeline, he would only see my power, not me. So when I die, and I pass my title on to someone else, Lord Nasch won’t remember me, because that’s what I had told him to do.” I trailed off, quickly bursting into nervous laughter. “Ah, sorry Sir Durbe! I must sound like a real idiot, saying things like that!”

There was a gloom tugging on Sir Durbe’s lips, and he gazed deep into his drink. “No,” he glumly responded. “You’re not wrong.” He swung the glass back and with a few painful gulps, all the liquid inside it was down his throat. He mouthed his last words silently a few more times, refusing to tear his gaze away from anywhere but his warped reflection in the glass. “When I die…I pray they’ll hold a funeral for me in this country.”

I blinked dumbly. “Not in your own country?”

“Well, there too. My lord shows his proper respect to his dead. But I’d like my funeral in both my homes. If I’m lucky.”

“Sir Durbe, I don’t mean to insult you- but you are the knight of another king, right? Is your true king always right?”

He turned to me, eyes glazed with confusion. “‘Right’?”

“A lord has to make hard decisions sometimes, and not everyone will be happy with him, right? There’s no such thing as an idea everyone will be satisfied by.”

Sir Durbe sat back, humming in contemplation. “To be honest, I don’t always think my lord is right. He can be thickheaded sometimes, and make bad decisions. And as a knight who lives among the people, I see what happens from his choices, and sometimes, there’s more crying than there is happiness. But,” A tender smile perked up Durbe’s cheeks as he glanced fondly at the sea, across the east to where his mysterious country was, “I believe in him. I believe in him enough to fight for him, and that’s more than enough for a knight like me. I do what I can, and so I’m able to enjoy what I do, even if I do things I’m not proud of.”

Hearing his words, I felt so terrible for asking such a thoughtless question. “And that’s why you’re all the way here in the Poseidon Lands, right?” 

Sir Durbe winced, but there was a bit of color to his cheeks. “I have an important diplomatic mission to fulfill!”

“Yes, Sir Durbe is very ha- ard working.”

A strained smile stretched itself across Sir Durbe’s face. “It seems it’s my luck to be cursed with stubborn princes.”

“If we weren’t stubborn, we’d never get anything done.”

The knight laughed, and it was the most genuinely laugh I heard from him yet. “True! Very true!” His eyes finally fell on our massive collection of glasses, as well as the lazy art piece of glasses I’d made in my boredom. “You can hold your liquor,” Sir Durbe clapped me on the back, not thinking of the rudeness. But I was too drunk to care, so I didn’t complain. “I respect that!”

“As do you,” I replied, feeling around for my glass. “Not bad.”

When I thought my empty stew bowl was a glass, I knew I’d had too much to drink. I stood, but the moment I did, my legs felt limper than reeds and I nearly fell back down into my seat. Sir Durbe noticed, and after handing the barkeep some payment, helped me up and we both stumbled out the door. 

Everything was unfocused, and my head felt like it was pumped full of air. Sir Durbe seemed to have slightly better control of himself, but still struggled to hold Mahha’s reins properly. Luckily enough, with one nice request to bring us both back to the palace, Mahha was off and pulling us through the air. What a lovely and smart deity, I thought.  We took off, and my cloak wasn’t enough to keep the chill off my skin, but the hazy stars were bright as pearls and that was all that mattered. 

I thought Sir Durbe could just drop me off quietly in my quarters, but I wasn’t expecting a visitor in the form of a frowning priestess. “You did  ** _what_**?” Lady Merag practically screamed the moment Sir Durbe started the explanations. 

“Don’t worry, Lady Merag,” Sir Durbe managed to say, clearly more practiced at dealing with an angry priestess than I was. “It was all in good fun. Right, Lord Vector?”

“Yeah, but… don’t let go of me, or I’m going to fall into the sky.”

“I can’t believe you two,” Lady Merag growled. I could see her nails digging into the fabric at her hips. Her face was blurry, but I could still spot the deep crease of her frown. “His men were frantic! They thought I sent you to abduct him!”

“That’s not…entirely wrong,” I hiccuped. 

“How much did you drink anyway?”

“How much is nine and eight again?” Durbe asked. 

“I don’t believe it,” she hissed, “I just don’t believe it. Durbe! You’re no longer taking care of Lord Vector. Until my brother gets back, I’m watching over him!”

“It was only a bit of masculine bonding.”

I didn’t need to be seeing straight to see how furious Merag was. “If you try to use that excuse again, we’ll see how well your masculine bonding fares in deep ice.”

Sir Durbe went completely silent, and she turned to me. “How are you, Lord Vector?” she asked, her voice all soft politeness. “I do apologize for Sir Durbe’s actions.”

“No, it’s fine,” I slurred, stumbling to my bed and kicking off my shoes. “It was… fun.” I didn’t care whether she accepted that or not, but she left after that, dragging Sir Durbe behind her and  leaving me alone with the high ceilings and warm wind. 

Cerberus plodded forward, my jewelry dangling from its mouths and my armor on its back, but I shook my head. “Tomorrow,” I told it. 

Horizontal, I could really feel my body slowing down as my eyelids fell closed. This wasn’t my bed, but it was still comfortable enough. 

Good night, Sir Durbe. Good night, Mahha. Good night, Cerberus. Good night, me.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wear less jewelry. 


	3. Weep for Pains in Hell

Red eyes, red eyes, black and purple miasma, something was calling my name again.

_Vector, Vector._

A deadly long blade, writhing shadows, what a tempting voice it had.

_Vector, Vector._

No! No, get me out of here!

It was coming for me. That thing was creeping closer with its ethereal tendrils, ready to crush me into pulp!

I clawed at my arms, desperately chanting, "It's a dream, it's a dream, it's a dream," until it was upon me. There was a long blade at my throat and all I could hear was wicked laughter as my throat breathed crimson.

I woke up, trembling in my own skin.

This ceiling wasn't made of my room's white tiles. The air was too light here, where was I, was I still locked in my own dreams? I nearly burst out of bed, but I spotted the three smooth heads of Cerberus, its golden eyes blinking curiously at me. It was tense, and I asked what was wrong. It didn't answer me, its six eyes fixed on me, no, beyond me.

I turned, and met a pair of luminous red eyes, attached to the creature I thought I'd left behind! It hovered above me, still stitched to the shadows but drifting there terribly. Its blades shone horribly in the moonlight as it drew closer, closer!

I let out such a hideous scream my throat was burning by the time I ran out of air. I fell from my bed, the cold stone bruising my back as I tried to run. I tried, I tried, but my legs were stiff, and I could only struggle there. "Someone," I yelled, "Help me!"

Everything happened so fast.

A leathery embrace wove around my trembling body and I knew this comfort well. The Guardian coiled around me, but she was too large. The force of her moving demolished stone walls and tore out the curtains as her tail burst out the window. Even this tall ceiling was too small for her and groaned against her scales. I was still shaking, and let out some strangled cries, but I could hear her comforting voice- Stheno had come to my side and she screeched in vengeful rage.

The commotion brought in the guards, and how they yelled! The Poseidon soldiers came in next, shouting with fear. Merag ran in, still clad in her white nightgown. She looked at the Guardian. I could see her recoil in fear and disgust. My heart was pounding with panic, was it gone, was it gone? No- don't come close to me!

My men were frozen in horrid reverence. The Poseidon soldiers were stunned in fear. The only one that dared to move…was Merag.

She pulled her foot back and rammed her heel into the Stheno's tail. As Stheno shrieked in pain, I could hear Merag yell, "Get out! Get out, you wretched thing!"

Stheno looked at the priestess, and let out her throaty howl. She coiled her body back, and I recognized that position. She was ready to strike, ready to kill. I could hear the stones falling to the ground as she lifted her heavy tail up from where it fell outside.

I tried to scream. I had lost my voice.

Merag still stood there, drew a dagger from the folds of her robe, and raised the blade over her head without a moment of hesitation.

My body was charged with energy and my limbs unlocked. I clamored over Stheno's coils and ran towards the priestess. Stheno's tail shot forward like a spear, and Lady Merag saw it coming, but even her horror didn't stop her blade.

I grabbed Lady Merag's wrist, careful not to touch the knife, and tackled her to the ground. Stheno's tail hurtled into the wall behind us, sending stone and dust flying everywhere. Neither of us had been pricked by the blade in our tumble, but Lady Merag recovered faster than I did. My head was spinning, but she sprang to her feet and hoisted me up with her. The sharp pain of her yanking my arm brought me back to my senses.

I wet my throat and yelled, "Enough!" At the sound of my voice, Stheno froze. "Stop it! It's gone, I'm fine! Stop it!"

Her body tensed; she wanted to recoil but there was no room for her to move properly. Cautiously she retracted her tail from where it burst through the wall, and relaxed, resigned to disappointed moans. The breath compacted tightly in my chest finally escaped through my lips.

"Clean this all up!" I heard Lady Merag yell, and I winced.

Lady Merag was frowning, her red eyes glowing with stunned fury. I wrung my hands nervously, as she hissed her words through her teeth. "What was that?"

"My Gorgonic Guardian only arrived to protect me from a creature! She didn't mean to do all of this!"

"You. Demolished. Three rooms." I could only flinch at every word she said.

"I'll- I'll compensate you for the repairs!"

"Of course you will." Lady Merag's voice was as stiff as ice. "After all, that's the proper and polite thing to do, right?"

The Poseidon soldiers and my men didn't remove the debris, but they had managed to sweep the scattered stone to the side and hang thick curtains where the holes between rooms were. Lady Merag only had to jerk her chin, and they quickly shuffled out of the room.

Her gaze shot to Stheno, who almost seemed to flinch. Merag then turned to me, her cold expression sending chills down my spine too. "Thank you for saving me from your own guardian. Good evening, Lord Vector. I hope you will sleep soundly and  _peacefully._ " Before I could respond, if I could even respond, she turned on her heels and left. Only once she was gone was I allowed to breathe again.

When the footsteps died down, my men all crowded around me, fussing and fussing until they were absolutely certain I was all right. "My lord," one of my father's generals bowed before me. "A thousand prayers that you're alive."

My face felt hot with my own foolishness. "I overreacted, that's all."

"But the high priestess… she saw the noble Guardian."

I stared at him, hard. "Speak up. What are you trying to suggest?"

"We can arrange…an accident. If she reports the specifics of one of our highest-ranking Gods to Lord Nasch when he returns, we will be put at a severe disadvantage if the peace talks go poorly."

My tongue hardened, and I could feel myself frowning. As much as I'd hope everything would go for the best, the prospect of failure was unpleasant and strong.

"No, none of you would be any match for her."

I watched the surprise flash over the general's face. "My lord? Surely you aren't serious."

"Her knife." When they blinked dumbly at me, I sighed. Talking aloud like this was really helping my heart relax. "Don't you think that looks a lot like the ceremonial daggers our priestesses use back home?"

It looked like it was finally clicking in their heads. "So- if she had stabbed the great God-"

"Exactly. I'm not sure if I have enough mana to heal a wound from a holy blade completely. And we'd have to double our sacrifices for the next month or so. We're already low on manpower as is."

Murmurs resounded through the guard. "My lord, you thought well when you pushed her out of harm's way."

"Well, I don't think presenting the King with his sister's pulpy remains would be for the best. Let's not incite a war just yet."

They muttered and fussed, but eventually they left, leaving two extra guards at the door. It wouldn't do much, but if it made them feel better, then I didn't see why I couldn't humor them a little.

Stheno still lay in the middle of the room, her coils wrapped tightly together so she didn't destroy any extra walls. She let out a growl, and tried creeping towards me, but she couldn't do so without taking out the ceiling. Her six braided snakes trailed my way, their noses prodding my body and inspecting for injuries.

"I'm all right, I'm all right," I reassured her, giving her a gentle pat on the head. "Thank you. You can go now."

Her mismatched eyes glowed with concern, but in an instant, she had sunk back into her realm, leaving the room just as wrecked and empty as it had been before.

Cerberus padded over to my bedside and sat beside my bed in anticipation for the long night ahead. I shot it a cold glare. "Cerberus!" I barked, and it sprung to attention. Despite my horrid expression, it didn't bow its heads in hesitation. "Why did you let that- thing get so close?"

It just got offended and hissed, its teeth clattering together.

My words caught in my throat before I yelled back, "It wouldn't be  _disrespectful!_  It was trying to kill me!"

Cerberus let out a triple snort and didn't explain further, leaving me blinking dumbly. It definitely wasn't teasing me. "Is it…going to come back tonight?"

The triple bark of opposition was enough for me and I sunk down onto the bed. "If it comes back, please attack it."

I pulled the covers over my head, but I caught Cerberus' reply. Its echoey voice was caring but firm, and I wrapped myself more in my cloth shields. As I tried to sleep, its words tumbled about in my head, round and round.

_If you wish, but if I do, I'll die._

I slept, but dreamless sleep didn't feel like a victory. I woke up to the sun, and the shadows around the gaping holes in the walls reminded me that last night wasn't a drunken dream.

I needed a walk.

I put my circlet back on my cloak and pulled it up over my head. I slipped the royal armor on my left arm, but left the silver bracelets and necklace on my bed. Cerberus could play with them, if it got bored from waiting. The morning sun was still pulling itself up the sky, and I gave the guards a simple excuse. I carefully snuck to the stables, and slithered out of the tall castle walls.

Once I couldn't see any other people wandering about, I closed my eyes and felt for threads of magic. A shiver ran through my body, and every cell in my body was flaring with power. There were always pools of energy somewhere about the country, and the stronger the pull, the closer they were to the Gods. I could feel a thick thread trailing far out to the sea, to a temple battered by the waves- too hard to get to. The second thread just bordered the water, a good ten minute ride away. That would do.

"Go slow," I told my horse, patting its brown mane. My heart had enough excitement last night.

There was a stern hissing in my head. Euryale, I recognized that voice. She started to chide me on the rudeness of wanting to visit a foreign temple. One not dedicated to her or her sisters, I bet she wanted to say.

"What's so bad about that?" It felt more comfortable talking aloud with the Guardians, even if nobody else could hear their voices. "Isn't magic universal?"

She admitted that was true, but those places were still inside the territory of foreign Gods, and so they could claim these spots as their own. She and her sisters were no match for the volatile Abyss Splash or the relentless Crystal Zero. They were strong alone, and the Gorgonics were only strong in numbers.

"That's not very confident," I teased her, but strict Euryale didn't ever seem to appreciate jokes very much.

She scolded me for my lightheartedness, for constantly forgetting just how dangerous it was for a foreigner to be at the mercy of the native Gods.

"I'm just visiting," I assured her, "That thing can't follow me there." After all, Gods are certain to strike their wrath upon those that defile their temples. I was just incurring their protection, that's all. I had no intention to pray to them whatsoever.

Euryale called me clever. I was sure to thank her, but her voice was glazed with judgment. She warned me once again to not go, but I just laughed her off. What was the big deal? I was connected to the Guardians and could speak to them, but it wasn't as if they lived inside me or anything like that. I'd be fine.

What greeted me was an avenue of trees, leading neatly up to a round temple not so far away. If I stared closely at the bark on each tree, I could see how sometimes there would be carvings of jewels, written prayers, and always the slim figure of a woman with no feet. I left my horse tied between the trees, out of sight, and quietly crept up to the entrance.

How different this temple was! Sometimes, when my father was overseas and my mother was busy, I had snuck into the Gorgonic temples of descending stone. They were damp and musty, and I sat among the snakes to stare at the statues and speak to the Guardians face to face. But with these low ceilings, the Guardians would easily demolish the walls if they even tried entering. The entryway curved into two endless corridors lined with thick pillars and lit torches.

Footsteps, light ones. I quickly ducked behind a pillar, wrapping my cloak around myself. Slow breaths, keep them nice and low, any sounds would easily echo in this place. It was a man dressed in white ceremonial robes with a blue striped sash tied around his waist. His face was cloaked with a heavy veil, but he didn't falter in his steps. Would he leave or turn down the corridor again? Right or left? I quickly stopped myself. I shouldn't be overthinking things like this. This was a priest before me, not a trained soldier. They were dangerous to those who used magic, but there was always a difference between one who used words and one that used force.

…Well, there was my lady grandmother, but she was always the exception to the rule.

As I watched the man pass by, my vision suddenly blurred and then snapped back to normal. I bolted upright, suddenly grateful I'd removed all of my loud jewelry. The man turned out of sight, and once I heard his footsteps fade, I crept out of my spot and continued down the halls. This temple didn't dig far below the ground like those in my home, and the walls were painted with great blue swirls. There wasn't an alter in sight, so what sort of temple was this? An exit, finally an exit!

I stepped out to breathe in fresh air and the salt from the sea. The ceiling had vanished, leaving the sun to stream down on a vast circular area filled with spilling fountains and polished stones. Large pillars jutted out from the clear pools carved out from the floor, each intertwined in a swirling pattern of some sorts. The water in the pools was so clear, I could easily see every single stone that lined the bottom. It was so tempting to just dive my hands in and drink some of this incredible water, but to do so without the God's permission would be incredibly disrespectful. I came here for refuge, not to be struck down. Still, this place was rich with energy, and perhaps I could relax here for a while-

"Lord Vector." It wasn't a cautious, curious utterance of my name, but a threatening one. I didn't want to turn around, but I'd already been seen. My heart was pounding in my throat, but I had to look as calm as possible.

"Lady Merag." I tried to sound more dignified and less sheepish, but I'm not sure how well that turned out.

Lady Merag approached, her heels lightly clacking on the stone floor. She wasn't frowning, but there was a harsh aura to her that told me to choose my words carefully. "This is the sacred temple of Crystal Zero. How did you get in here?"

"I sensed magic here, and I didn't see anyone when I came in. I thought it was all right."

"You thought wrong. I must please ask you to leave." Please, she said with a tongue full of icy venom.

I grimaced. Why did she have to come by? "I can't."

She frowned, crossing her arms. "And why not?"

"Because- I need your help, Lady Merag!"

She seemed taken aback, her lips parted slightly. " _My help_? What do you need my help for?"

Her judging glare was enough to make me regret my words, but I had already started, so there was no way I could go back now. "Last night- last night, I saw something in my room. Some spirit, something, I don't know! It followed me all this way, and I didn't think it would! Maybe, maybe- do you know how to get rid of it?"

Lady Merag blinked as she processed it all, but her thoughts quickly turned into rage. "Are you telling me that you let a malicious spirit into my homeland, and never bothered telling any of us?" she yelled. Her hands balled into fists, and only politeness kept her from swinging them forward.

"I heard the tales of your strong and powerful Gods!" I shouted back. "Isn't the presence of a great God enough to repel any lesser spirit? I didn't think it would dare follow me! But it's still here! Do you think my assumption was wrong? Or are your Gods not strong enough?"

Lady Merag bit back a gasp, her face bristling with fury, but she sucked in a deep breath and quelled it down. I too, took a deep breath. The dizziness was getting worse, if I stepped forward, I would surely stumble. "I'm sorry," I said, "I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

"No," her voice was troubled. "Your assumption wasn't wrong." She walked past me, and knelt by the shimmering pools. "A normal spirit would have been easily repelled if it had even tried getting close to the palace. And you say it came into your room?"

I nodded, but moving my head that fast made it flare with pain.

She suddenly went quiet, staring deeply into the water, sometimes running her fingers across the surface and sending ripples echoing through all the pools. Her lips formed words I didn't know and still she stared, as if she were whispering to the water itself. I held my tongue and stood back. Father told me to worship the sword more than the Gods in the temples, but I wasn't so inept to dare talk to Lady Merag now.

I shuddered. Was it always this cold in here? There were goosebumps forming on my bare arms, and I wrapped my cloak tightly around myself.

Her melodic whispers were soothing to the ear, but I could barely enjoy them. My fingertips were burning, and it wasn't the cold. Something was pounding on my skull, as if my mind itself was howling to be set free. My skin felt cold, but my organs were on fire. I took big gulps of air, trying to suck in some of the thickening magic, but all that did was set my lungs aflame.

After what seemed like forever between my pounding headache and burning throat, Lady Merag turned to me with a solemn look in her eyes. "Crystal Zero has spoken. She confirmed your story, and said that yes, there is something definitely following you."

I gulped down the confirmation.

Lady Merag was staring at me, her eyes boring deep into mine, and it wasn't the headache that made me want to slink away. Her dull red eyes were now luminous, her pupils a bit wider than before. The voice that came out of her mouth was lighter and clearer, and sent chills through my chest. "He is following you, he is like us. That is what you brought upon yourself. It is only natural for him to do so."

My mouth was clammy, and I felt like I was about to vomit, but I managed to squeeze out my throat, "Why… didn't you stop it? Aren't these your lands?"

"He spoke to us before your arrival, of course." I shuddered, and the thing behind Lady Merag curved her lips up in a smile. Lady Merag's hand grabbed my arm, and it was like her fingers were made of pure ice. "Fear not and send him thanks," said the being, "for if he did not, then for the crime of intruding without bartering protection, Abyss would have capsized your ships the moment you crossed into our territory. You will not find help here. You choose your own path and in choosing, you accept the briers at the end. Do not dare cry when you tread upon thorns, for that is what you decided. But thorns of your own design still hurt him too."

Lady Merag's eyes grew dull, and she stumbled forward. I was too stunned to try catching her, but she seemed to recover just before she actually fell over. She clutched her chest, taking in deep breaths until she could finally face me with poise.

"That was-" I gasped, and Lady Merag nodded. I had always wondered what it was like to be properly possessed by a God, but now that I saw it in action, it looked rather painful. "She said some strange things, like-"

"I know what she said. I could hear her too," Lady Merag replied. "Crystal Zero is a goddess of prophecy and suppression. She gives few predictions, but they're always accurate. As for yours…" she trailed off, casting a pitying glance at me, and I didn't need her to finish that sentence.

I winced, glancing at the pools that had since stilled. Crystal Zero was gone, but she'd left a reddening handprint where she grabbed me, stained with the cold. "I don't suppose you know what she meant, do you Lady Merag?" I mumbled.

She pulled her lips thin. "I don't have that luxury." Finally, she sighed, and squeezed the water from her fingertips. "An emperor shouldn't look so dejected." Well, how could I not, with that sort of news? "It's said that you are the reincarnation of a God."

I let out a stream of shaky laughter. The priests had told me that a thousand times and dropped jewels at my feet in prayer, but I never believed a word of it. How was I supposed to believe such an outrageous claim? "Where did you hear that?"

"Word gets around."

I frowned. "No, it doesn't. You've never visited my castle before. I would have known-" I would have loved to meet other royalty, I held on my tongue.

"One of my priestesses visited your empire once with my late father. She-"

I held up my hands. "Wait. Why would you need a priestess to travel with your father?"

Lady Merag tapped a finger idly on her cheek. "You're from a country of magic. Doesn't it make sense to have a priestess around for protection?"

I laughed, not at her of course, but at the ridiculousness of her words. Her cheeks puffed up in irritation, and she tapped her heel on the floor until I apologized. "I'm sorry, but- Father was a dropout. He didn't have a fraction of magical power in him. I hate to say it, but your priestess went all that way for nothing."

"Yes, that is true. But this was when your grandmother was still alive."

I stopped laughing. "Ah." My lady grandmother, the empress before my father, who still made the guards stand straight even when she needed a cane to hold her back. I don't remember much of her, but she was more powerful than all of my countries' priests. Father would always hang his head around her, and she'd look at him the way he looked at me.

"Still think it was unnecessary?"

"No, not at all." The sharp throbbing was getting worse, and it took all my strength not to wince at every crackle of pain that shot through my head.

"Point being," sighed, Lady Merag, "That's what your people believe, isn't it?"

"Yes…" But there was nothing particularly outstanding of me that I could think of. "My lady grandmother declared it when I was born."

"As expected of the conquerer queen," Lady Merag bitterly replied. "But which God was reborn in you?"

Which God? Oh, that was easy, it was-

I blinked. It was… it wasn't the Gorgonics. But that was all we had, that and the nameless God… was that it? "I don't know." I felt like I was going to faint. "She said- it bartered with her."

"I know."

"Does it hate me that much?" My eyes were hazy now, and I could feel the noxious taste of bile hitting my tongue. "What am I going to do? What can I even do?"

"Lord Vector." Lady Merag grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me harshly. "Enough! Stop panicking and think!"

Think, her words chimed in my head. Think! "I… it's not the Gorgonics! Then, it can only be the nameless god!"

Lady Merag frowned. "Nameless?" She let go of me and pursed her lips. "To forget the name of a God is a dire sin. Perhaps this God of yours sent one of his minions after you for your disrespect."

"I… I know. I wish I knew its name, but I…" I didn't remember, because this god had its name forgotten over the generations. So my people praise it, but can't call out for it and send their prayers to it properly. That thought always makes me sad to think of a God somewhere that can only hear its believers' prayers through a thick wall. Such a god would be a lonely god… just like I am a lonely prince.

Hey, nameless god? If you ever appear before me, I'll treat you to some coconut juice and grilled meats. At least we could have a nice dinner together before we get back to our solitary lives… and then maybe I could apologize for forgetting you for all these years.

"Thank you, Lady Merag." I said, bowing my head. "I would never have realized it on my own. Thank you so much. And please send my thanks to Crystal Zero as well."

With my head bowed, I couldn't see her face, but I could imagine how smug she must be. Instead, I heard light laughter, and rose my head to see her concealing her smile behind her hand. "I thought you were callous and rude," she said between giggles, "but you know how to express your gratitude. Now come," she gestured that I follow her, "I'll lead you out."

The moment I took a step forward, my stomach lurched and I nearly fell over. Everything was spinning, and I had to grab one of the walls for momentary support. I was thankful Lady Merag's back was to me, because I probably looked so shameful teetering back and forth like this.

I heard hissing in my head. I recognized that light and energetic voice- Medusa. She seemed troubled, and urged me to stay awake. I lowered my voice to a whisper so Lady Merag couldn't hear me.

"Medusa," I muttered, pinching my arm hard to keep myself focused. "You and your sisters are not the God said to be reborn inside me, are you?"

She denied it. My lady grandmother was correct in her declaration, but her claims didn't apply to her, or any of the Gorgonics.

"Why not? Haven't you lived with us for generations?"

She drew silent, and then she admitted it. Her and her sisters were not the native gods of my country.

Long long ago, she said, she was wounded by a human, and to escape the angry Gods, her and her sisters left their homeland. They travelled far until they finally reached my country. There they stayed and the people of my land feared them and their power. In turn, they began to worship them, and so they became Gods. Time had taken care of the rest.

"What about the native god that was living there at the time?"

He didn't fight us, she said. According to her, he was a frightening God to be around, one that could easy see everything about her and her sisters.

"What was his name?"

She admitted that he never told them. But even if he did, she wouldn't dare tell me.

"Why?"

Medusa seemed to find that funny, but she didn't laugh with malice like Stheno does. It was just like Lady Merag said, she replied, Gods gain power from having their names remembered and creating faith. He didn't fight them, but he would have easily overpowered them if he had.

"And why didn't he fight you and your sisters?"

She didn't know. Gods of judgment were fickle, despite their serious job. Maybe they took pity on her and her sisters, she thought. He retired, so to speak, and let them live off the faith in my land.

"Except that isn't really true. We don't know anything about him, but we still remember his power from countless generations ago."

She agreed with me on that one. The reverence he receives is only slightly less than theirs, and that's enough to keep him alive and well. More than enough to survive, and more than enough to take physical form again.

"Enough to send one of his minions after me?"

She wondered about that, she teased, and then went silent. Lady Merag's footsteps had slowed to a stop as well, and I could see the bright sunshine streaming in from the exit.

"Lord Vector," Lady Merag said, her back to me. "It seems we share something in common."

Hearing my name, I snapped to attention. "What's that?"

"When I was born, my brother had no magical talent at all. I took it all from him, they all said. I was blessed by Crystal Zero, and so I was declared her reincarnation. And so we are similar, both of us are the fleshy forms of our native Gods." She turned to me, pity in her eyes. "Lord Vector, your situation is quite dire, and I feel for you. However," she started, and her face morphed into one with such viciousness on her face that I nearly fell over, "If you ever think of doing something like unleashing one of your monsters on the palace again, then I won't be nearly as forgiving. Is that clear?"

"Uh… yes." I stammered out.

"And if you decide to turn around and continue your father's conquest, then there won't just be my brother to worry about. With your fickle God already angry at you, I can freeze you easily. But- I'm just the high priestess," she said, her tone softening. "Let's leave the political reasoning to Nasch, right?"

She took my arm and we both exited the temple- her leading me at this point, since I was about to faint at any moment. I gave her directions to my horse with a numbed tongue, and she found it without a problem. I was breathing in fresh air, and the more I inhaled, the sharper my vision became. I was still hopelessly dizzy by the time Lady Merag freed my horse, so she had to help me onto its back. I must have looked ridiculous, but she didn't mention it at all.

I was more than eager to say my polite goodbyes and leave. The further away I rode, the better I felt. By the time the temple vanished from sight, I was completely healthy. Still, I wanted nothing more to do than just lie in bed in contemplation the moment I returned.

As I sat on the floor with Cerberus by my side, I realized that my father's general had a point. Priestesses are dangerous creatures, no matter what, especially to those like me with armies of Gods and their servants. Lord Nasch didn't sound like he had any magical potential at all- so all the talent must have gone to Lady Merag. So if worst came to worst, she could summon that Crystal Zero to freeze my entire fleet, couldn't she?

If I really had to go to war with Lord Nasch, then it would be for the best to kill Lady Merag first, right?

I thought about that for a moment, before bursting into laughter. "Oh mirrored hells, I must be really stupid if I think that's going to work!" Cerberus raised its heads, looking quizzically at me,

I grumbled, slumping down on Cerberus' back. Yeah, I could probably kill her if I caught her by surprise. But I think I might get my ribs and arm broken in the process- if I was lucky.

"Poseidon women are really scary, huh," I sighed, squishing my cheek against Cerberus' armored neck.

Cerberus let out a yawn.


	4. One as Fair as Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: depression, mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, a lot of doublethinking and veiling, and everyone being generally terrible to each other.

The boy in the mirror looked weary. He still had bruises under his eyes from hours of lost sleep, and every horn blaring in the distance made him flinch. He heard the constant patter of footsteps in the hall and lots of frantic murmurs. The king had finally returned, and the entire castle was scrambling to prepare the great banquet. Everything had to be perfect, and so the boy in the mirror had to be perfect too.

I had insisted on changing by myself, so my guards stood outside and out of sight. They were beyond my line of vision, just like the people frantically running and everyone beyond that, so they didn't exist. It was only me and that haggard boy in the mirror.

He put back on the silver bracelets Cerberus handed to him, and slipped on his curved shoes. He tied the sashes around his waist and strung the beads over his chest. He fitted his silver circlet on his head and stared until what he saw looked better.

The boy looked glamorous and tired. I needed to convince the boy he was less imperfect.

We touched hands through a pane of glass. "It's all right," I told him. "I'm an emperor, and he's just a king. I'll be fine."

The boy stood. I stood, too. I was about as ready as I'd ever be.

The walk to the throne room seemed so much longer than I remembered it. My soldiers had polished and shined their armor, and the Poseidon guards were wearing their most ornate armaments. I could already smell the aroma of fresh fruits rising from the pavilion below, and my feet slid over freshly rolled out carpet.

Lady Merag in her pure white veils stood on the king's right, her hands demurely clasped together, and smiling with false innocence. On the other side was Sir Durbe, standing tall in his shining silver armor. I felt like I should know the others that lined the king, but they didn't really matter. My attention was on the boy in the throne, lounging on a patch of seal fur. The herald announced, "His royal highness, Lord Nasch of the United Lands of the Poseidon Ocean," but I already knew who he was.

Lord Nasch was different than I'd pictured him. There was a coldness that covered him and beneath his golden armor, I could spot battle bruises and old wounds. If Lady Merag was ice, then Lord Nasch was as strong as the sea. He was rigid, his gaze was piercing, and he sat comfortably in his fitted throne. In other words, someone completely unapproachable.

I nodded in politeness. "Hello, nice to meet you." The attendants had already announced my formal title, but it felt better coming from my mouth. "I'm Lord Vector. I'm very grateful for your hospitality in your absence."

Lord Nasch curled his face into a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm glad to hear that. I welcome you to my country." He had a dignified composure that seemed so detached from his young face. I just wanted to collapse onto the carpet right now, but duty kept my back straight. Lord Nasch stood, and descended the stairs, his blue cloak carrying his movements in every swish. As we stood across from each other, Nasch's armor shifted into place with a metallic clink.

Princes are incompatible beings. Even politics, which my mother always fussed over and my father always trampled on, was nothing more than a compromise between two people who think they're always right.

Even if Lord Nasch thought I'm a bothersome idiot, I just wanted to be close to him. I want to finally have someone like me that I can rely on. I'd prefer that Nasch didn't see me as a bothersome idiot, but even that would be acceptable. If I was lucky… maybe I could make my first human friend. Lord Nasch befriended a foreign knight, so maybe the thought wasn't impossible.

Nasch shielded his body with golden steel. I shielded my flesh with silver and jewels. Even standing across from each other like this, we already looked completely unalike.

"I was hoping that you could join me for lunch," said Lord Nasch.

"I'd be honored," I smoothly replied.

He glanced at Cerberus by my side, curled his lip and quickly turned away, telling me to follow. I glanced down at Cerberus to not hiss, and gladly, it didn't even as much as growl. I patted its heads; it had endured so much.

Lord Nasch walked quickly, announcing his presence with every heavy step. Only the clinking beads on my chest told the guards I existed.

The room was alight with plenty of sun, something I marveled at every time. I'd have to be burning every torch in sight to make my halls this bright. All along the walls draped banners bearing the Poseidon crest, guards of both countries standing like toys beneath them. Lord Nasch's servants escorted us to a small table for two. Lady Merag had left for the temples, and Sir Durbe was nowhere in sight. Probably being stared down by my father's generals.

First was mussel soup, rich and smooth on the tongue, and a cup of red wine. We raised our glasses and toasted to the negotiations, and it was so tempting to down the entire glass in one gulp.

"I've been plenty impressed with your country," I said, taking a sip of wine, "The fish is very good here. Your cooks served me yellowfin, I think it was called, the other day and it was delicious."

Lord Nasch nodded, but there was displeasure knotted in his brow.

Everything was so rigid around the king. It was his first day back, after all. "What exactly were you doing in your time away?" I asked.

"Meeting with the nobles of the other three islands," Lord Nasch said through spoonfuls. "Annual tradition. Have to keep the nobility in line and my people happy. Have to deal with someone of my cousins too." He clicked his tongue and shook his head.

I put on my best smile. "That must be fun."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Your cousins are tolerable?"

"I don't have any."

"No aunts? Uncles?"

"Father was an only child."

Lord Nasch nodded. "Then you don't have to deal with constant teasing."

"Even that must be nice."

Lord Nasch stared, but said nothing. There was no need for him to say anything, he didn't even realize how lucky he was! If I had cousins to play with, then I could have family outside of the closed circle of my lady grandmother and my beloved parents. I never knew my grandfather, but my lady grandmother always called him soft. You couldn't be soft, that was my father's ironclad law, something he and my lady grandmother shared an opinion on. Still, it would have been nice to know my grandfather, and we could talk about how we were scolded on the same things.

"Well, it's over now," Lord Nasch said, "And I don't regret that."

I had pried the meat out of my mussels, so I collected the shells in a small bowl and set it down by Cerberus' feet. It eagerly plodded forward and started crunching on the shells.

"What is that thing doing?" Lord Nasch frowned down at Cerberus.

"Eating. It hasn't had a bite to eat the whole trip. So, this will have to do."

"What does it usually eat?" he hesitantly asked.

"Oh, corpses, mostly."

Lord Nasch took a long sip of his wine. "What an… interesting pet of yours."

"Guard, not pet." I corrected.

"Yes, of course. I hope your guard doesn't get too hungry."

"Oh, this should tide it over enough." I pointed to the discarded collection of shells on the king's plate. "Do you need those for something, or…"

"Please," Lord Nasch pushed the dish forward. Cerberus seemed delighted at the offering and let out a bark of thanks. Its rough voice only made him flinch, and the Poseidon soldiers all shifted on their spears.

"It says thank you," I said, casting a harsh glance at the Poseidon soldiers around us.

"You understand what it's saying?"

"Of course I do. You can't understand your Gods?"

"Nope," he said as the servants took away our empty soup bowls and placed down dishes of peaches, drizzled in sugary syrup and vanilla dustings. "Never seen one, much less spoken to one."

It smelled delightful, and was even richer on the tongue. "Not even once?" I asked between bites.

"Never."

I sighed. "What a shame."

"Merag is more than enough."

"True, Lady Merag is extremely powerful. This land is your land, but it's also the territory of your two Gods. How can you rule comfortably if you're not sure if they agree with you or not?"

Lord Nasch frowned. "I can rule over my people just fine. And I suppose you speak to your Gods all the time?"

I brightened up at that. "Yes, the Gorgonics talk to me a lot! Sometimes they're very picky, though. They hate this place, for one. Always cursing your oceans and such."

Lord Nasch leaned on his palm and quirked an eyebrow at me. "That almost sounds threatening."

"Unless you're the ocean itself, it shouldn't be. They have bad memories of this ocean. Old gods, long ago. Conflicts. You know."

"Uh-huh. And these Gorgonics of yours are the snake things that wrecked three of my guest rooms?"

"Ah- um. Well, that was just one of the Guardians." I could feel my face heating up and my arms getting colder and colder. "I- I'm really sorry about that! But yes, the Guardians are one of our highest ranking Gods."

"Just like that thing over there?"

"Oh no, Cerberus is just one of the Guardians' servants. But it's a Gorgonic too."

"These Gorgonics are a… species of God?"

"I suppose so? There are many Cerberuses, but only three Guardians."

"And these Guardians are nameless?"

"Oh, they have names. But only I can call them by their names. Only my right, or something like that."

"With monsters like that on your side, no wonder your country's boundaries are so far." Lord Nasch narrowed his eyes. "You could easily storm in here with an army of monsters at your command."

"I could, yes. But I'm your guest and that's… kind of rude, isn't it?"

"Yes, it would be." Lord Nasch raised an eyebrow, chewing slowly now. "But it's not that strange. Your father wanted to conquer the Poseidon Lands for years. And your empire's been swallowing countries for at least three generations."

I could feel my smile slip away. "Well, fighting a four front war isn't easy. We can finally have some peace now, it's for the best. And I'm not my father."

"And how am I supposed to know that?" I could feel a cold numbness dropping down my jaw the more Lord Nasch spoke. "Let's put it this way. Your father has wanted to grab my kingdom for years, and has expanded your territory significantly. Your grandmother did the same when she was empress. You

Every words made it clear, until I was sitting in Lord Nasch's coldness. "You think this is all a trap."

"Of course I do." Lord Nasch sat back and crossed his arms firmly over his chest. "Only an idiot would take your words at face value."

"But…" I could feel my nails digging into my palms. "But it's the truth."

"I don't see you proving it."

"I bartered peace with all the kingdoms that my father was at war with!" I could feel my voice trembling in my throat as it became louder and louder. "I did that all on my own, even when my father was alive! Isn't that proof enough?" But Lord Nasch's expression was firm, and I felt my teeth sink into my lip. "Is anything enough?"

Lord Nasch sighed, and spooned the last of the peaches into his mouth. "How many times has your family promised something to another kingdom, only to turn around and stab them in the back? The Poseidon Lands aren't going to fall for your magic and tricks. I won't allow it."

Except this time, there were no tricks. My lady grandmother supposedly had a sweet tongue and an even more vicious control over the Gorgonics, and father would have gutted Lord Nasch by now. I didn't want Lord Nasch's land, I didn't want to fool him, I didn't want any of that. I couldn't care less if he kept his precious kingdom. I just wanted peace, I just wanted to be his friend.

His narrowed lips were set in a thin line, and with every crease I noted in his frown, my stomach churned. "No tricks," I firmly said. "I swear on all of my Gods."

"No tricks," Lord Nasch calmly repeated, folding his hands together.

"Yes, I swear it. Now could you please," just believe me, "listen to me for a little while?"

"If that's so," Lord Nasch trailed over the agreement before locking gazes with me once again, "why did your father call you a cursed child?"

My mouth went dry. Shadows, corpses on the floor. Blood on the sword trembling at my hip, blood on mother's white dress. Father's angry voice yelling at me. "Where did you hear that?" I asked, trying desperately not to squeak out my words.

"Your father told my father right at this table." I'd been emperor for a few months, my father's last trip to the Poseidon Lands had been over three years ago. It didn't make sense, it just didn't make any sense.

"Father and I just didn't agree with each other," I said, my heart pounding in my chest so hard I thought I was about to die, "that's all. He wanted to continue our empire's conquest, and I wanted to stop it. It caused a bit of friction, as you can imagine."

Lord Nasch raised an eyebrow. "A bit of friction? He'd call you something like that because you didn't agree with him?"

"Yes…" My hands were trembling under the table, please stop, what if Lord Nasch sees?

"And he didn't call you that because you can control those creatures?"

I could spot his disbelief, he didn't believe me, why didn't he believe me? "But…that's what…happened…"

Lord Nasch shook his head. "You father was a disgusting man, but he was still your father, wasn't he? What sort of father hates his son?"

"Father didn't hate me," I mumbled. "He didn't. he was just strict, that's all. He didn't. There's no way he could."

Lord Nasch didn't say anything, and I was grateful for the silence. My hands were shaking; there were jolts shooting from my fingertips to my shoulders, and the weight of my silver bracelets did nothing to stop it. I looked so pathetic, stop it, stop it. I didn't want to gulp in air like a dying fish, but my lungs were squeezing so tightly I felt like they would burst.

"All right," he said, and I forced myself to look up at him. Blue eyes, strong eyes. "We started talking politics, so let's talk politics."

"Politics," I mumbled. "Right." I held out my hand, and one of my father's generals passed me a heavy piece of paper. "I said I just want peace," I said, pushing the paper towards Lord Nasch, "and I mean it. Our countries have hated each other for generations, and it's been long enough. But instead of just peace, maybe we could both help each other, too."

He scanned the sheet with his eyes, and his look wasn't disapproving. "We are curious about how your household magics work. And your archives are extensive."

That was enough for me to continue. "You may have ports on all sides, but you're still restricted to the land in the north and to the east. We have access to the countries beyond that landmass. Don't you think an exchange in goods without having to bother with unregulated prices would be beneficial?"

"So you're calling for mutual dependence in trade?"

"It's not mutual dependence. It's called helping each other."

Lord Nasch let out a hum of contemplation and took a sip of his wine. "Seems reasonable." Of course it was. I had no intention of lying, so there was nothing to fear.

His jaw suddenly clamped shut, and that chill flooded through my neck again. "Is there a problem?" I asked.

"Yes," he slowly said, his fingers tightening on the paper. "There is."

"My economics aren't reasonable?"

"Oh, they are. Your economics, that is," he said, holding the paper up to me, and pointing to the bottom section. "Now,  _this_  is something I can't approve of." He twisted the words harshly back to him, frowning as he read it aloud. "This part. 'We formally recognize the United Lands of the Poseidon Ocean as a sovereign nation.' And remind me why we have to be recognized by you?"

"I'm not going to live forever. I'm not interested in peace solely dependent on my existence."

"That's true. But what I'm concerned with is why you're so sure that you're in a position to recognize another person's land."

"Am I not an emperor?"

"And the size and wealth of your nation automatically makes you above me?"

"It doesn't?"

Lord Nasch snapped his teeth together, frowning both at me and something beyond me. "No. It doesn't."

I frowned. "I'm sorry that you think that way."

"You're sorry. That I think that way." Lord Nasch crossed his arms and clicked his tongue. "Looks like arrogance runs in the blood too."

"Are you saying I'm no better than my father?" I gritted my teeth. "I bartered peace all on my own! And what was wrong with my father?"

"There was plenty wrong with your father. Conquering everything in sight, at the very least. Capturing the castle and still burning cities down. Plundering, murdering, destroying everything until the country submits. Need more?"

Every word he said was making me wince. "And the peace I offer is worse?"

"No, but your army was ready to crush the countries you offered peace to. You can pretend that it was voluntary as much as you want, but you were not in an equal standing. When there's an army ready to smash your castle and they offer you a sudden ceasefire, that's practically coercion."

"It's not like that at all! I did this all for the best!"

"For the best? For who, you? You think you can just march into our islands and think that everyone will agree with everything you say?"

All the Poseidon soldiers lining the room had agreement in their eyes, and my nails scraped against my wrists. Why does everyone recognize Lord Nasch? Lord Nasch is a king, he has a sister and a foreigner that love him dearly. I bet his father patted him on the head and applauded his swordwork! I bet his father let him sit on the throne and gave him advice! I bet his father looked at him like he was his son, and not a piece of trash! I bet his father didn't beat him until he bled! I bet he had a wonderful life! Why does he get to be happy? Why does he get to enjoy his title in freedom when I have to stay right where I am?

What do I have?

What does Lord Nasch know about me, anyway? I'm an emperor and he's a king! He has four islands to govern, I have at least four countries! Does he even know how hard it is to smile and talk to everyone when I just want to sleep until today is tomorrow? I just want to sit in my room and never see anyone ever again! I just want to be alone, without the dark, without my parents dying over and over again! I just want… I just want…

I was just meaning well! Why is Lord Nasch pushing me away? I didn't cry in front of him! I didn't even cry and I still feel like I'm being beaten for tearing up again! Father's dead, so why am I still being punished?

"You're too naive."

It's not my fault. It's not my fault! Lord Nasch's stare was harsh, fitting for the cold person he was.

I stood up so fast the chair was knocked backwards. Lord Nasch looked surprised. My hand shot forward and grabbed the pendant of beautifully carved metal around his neck, snapping the cord. Golden beads rolled on the tablecloth and bounced off the floor as I raised it over my head and smashed it against the table. The metal made a terrible sound as it creaked and snapped, leaving nothing but a fractured pendant and shattered ruby.

Lord Nasch's eyes were straining in their sockets. My lips were trembling. The guards were too shocked to move. "There," my lips were moving, but what I heard didn't sound like my own voice. "Now we're even."

I stalked out of the room, Cerberus plodding behind me, and kept walking as fast as I could. My eyes were burning and I felt like I was going to vomit any minute. I had to be alone, hurry, hurry, I had to walk faster to my room. Faster, faster, faster!

I darted into my room and slammed myself down onto the bed. I bit on my lip hard enough to make it bleed, but no matter how much my lip hurt, it couldn't distract me from hearing father's words pounding in my head.

_You were born to drag my glory through the dirt! You cursed child!_

All three sisters were calling for me, comforting me. Medusa was the strongest, I could hear her soft voice trying to calm me down. She said how Lord Nasch was just exaggerating, and how I shouldn't listen to someone who knew nothing.

Yeah, Lord Nasch knew nothing. We'd just met today, after all. But if that was true, why couldn't I forget his words? Why did my chest hurt so much? Why were there bitter tears on my face?

Cerberus plodded onto my bed, and its sheer weight broke the bedlegs and sent my head smashing into the pillow. It curled its heads around me, and nudged at my shivering body with its noses. Its skin was stone, so it wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. Still, even though it was like being held by a statue, its embrace was warmer than the tears wetting my pillow.

"I hate everyone," I declared, and the Guardians drew silent. Euryale told me I wasn't being logical and chided me to make sense.

"No, you don't understand!" I yelled back at her, "because you're a God and I'm a human! You aren't automatically expected believe in your own kind!"

I wanted to have just one human friend, just one! I just wanted to believe in people, I wanted to look in them and see good! And my parents were dead on the floor in the shadows, and even if I think of happy dinners and times in the archives with mother handing me scrolls and father showing me how to hold a sword and playing with the Gorgonics in the labyrinth, it all seems fuzzy and distorted, like it's far away from me and I can never get it back.

How could I get something back if I never had it to begin with? I loved father so much, even when he shouted at me. I loved him even when he hit me, when he insulted me, when he told me he wished I would just go away and leave him alone. And all of my love, as real as it was, wasn't even seen.

No, he saw it. He saw it every time he hit me and I'd smile up at him afterward. He saw it every time I eagerly showed him my new sword tricks. He knew, he just didn't care.

It was just a joke.

The Guardians suddenly stopped talking, as if they'd been muted. I looked up and there I saw it, the creature with red eyes and two blades in the shadows. I called for the sisters by name, but they just kept quiet between whispers of recognition, and I knew then that this was the same God they'd met long, long ago when they were seeking refuge. He looked no less frightening than usual, but seeing him was a comfort now.

"You! You in the shadows! You want to kill me, right? Come on, it's okay!" I yelled and yelled, but he didn't move. I rapped my finger against my head, harder, harder, harder. "Here, just stab me right here! If you don't want to kill me outright, then at least tear out my brain so I'll forget!"

He just stood there, and those menacing red eyes looked almost sad.

I grabbed one of his blades with my armored hand, and even though I knew there was metal protecting my flesh, it still felt like I was bleeding. "You hate me, don't you? You hate me for forgetting you! This is your chance! It's fine if you kill me, I don't care anymore! Just… hurry up. I- I don't want to live knowing I'm miserable." I was losing energy fast, and my grip slackened as I dropped to the ground, curling myself up tightly.

The blade never came. The God was still by me in its hazy shadow, but he sat right by me and didn't speak. He never spoke, only stared, but his silence was a comfort now. It's so rude to cry on a God, but when I wept against him, he didn't move away. I cried until I was so exhausted that I couldn't possibly muster enough energy to keep my eyes open.

I awoke to someone's voice. "My lord, are you awake?"

I opened my eyes. Everything was hazy, until I could outline the face of one of my guards. "Huh? Yeah, I'm awake now."

What time was it? How long was I asleep? I looked out the veiled windows to see the night sky overhead… late. Something nudged my side; it was Cerberus, who barked to see if I was okay. I patted its heads and it nuzzled my face. The God wasn't anywhere in sight; not too surprising.

"My lord, the king is here to see you." I shivered in my skin as everything came pouring back from before, but I didn't cry. I just glumly hung my head and told the guard to let him pass.

When Lord Nasch strode in, Cerberus snarled at him from behind me, and I didn't stop it. "Lord Nasch," I said, too tired to bow my head.

"Lord Vector." Lord Nasch stood tall and straight, but there was a bit of hesitation in his movements. "I just wanted to apologize. For earlier."

I frowned. He had better be sorry. Every shed tear of mine demanded it. Still, I put on my best face and cheerily said, "Oh, you don't need to apologize! It was no big deal!"

There, that should be enough. Now Lord Nasch could smile, be satisfied with his apology and walk away feeling better about himself. Then I could sit here, ruminate over the fact that he tried apologizing, and we could go back to doing politics until I forgot this pain in my chest.

"No," he said, and I wanted to frown. "It was a big deal."

All expression drained out of my face, and I sat back against Cerberus. It was exhausting even thinking of the memory itself. "I'm listening."

Lord Nasch flitted his eyes to the side, and balled his hands into fists. "I… was too harsh on you. You just became emperor officially only a few months ago. And then I…" He chewed on his tongue before he sighed. "And I kept jabbing at you. Our families hate each other, but that's still no excuse." He bowed his head, and the pendant around his neck dangled forward. "So, I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Hm."

The pendant I had smashed was still on his neck, hanging from a new cord. How nostalgic.

I blinked. Nostalgic? What did it remind me of?

Sparkling ruby, chipped from impact. Twisted metal dented by an angry hand. Now I remembered… it looked just like that circlet from long ago.

The blacksmiths and jewelers always said I was too young to learn metalwork, but I had been so fascinated that I insisted. Great big sharp swords too big for me to handle, the golden earrings that hung from my ears, the silver necklaces mother wore- I wanted to make all of that and more. It was hard work, and sometimes I'd burn my arms against the hot tools, but I'd always sneak out and try again. My first creations were pitifully amateurish, but I kept on making things and throwing them out until I could come up with something beautiful. I finally made the precursor to the circlet on my head- by my standards now it was pretty shabby, but back then I thought it was lovely. So did mother, who asked me to make her a piece of her own.

Father didn't take to it very kindly. "What sort of junk are you wearing? You stupid son, are you trying to humiliate me? You're going to be a laughingstock with that trash on your head!" He snatched it off my head and crushed it under his foot. I cried, oh how I cried, but that just made father angrier and he slapped me until I stopped. The circlet in my memory overlapped with the pendant on Lord Nasch's neck.

A cold wave ebbed through my lungs. Did I actually do that? Did I… really do that?

I'm an idiot, Lord Nasch was right! No better than my father? In the end, I am my father! Lord Nasch bothered me, so I hurt him! "I- I'm sorry! I'm sorry I broke your necklace! I didn't mean to hurt you too, I'm sorry!"

What a fool I am, thinking I could make friends! Did father have any friends? No, he couldn't possibly have made any, and I was just the same!

Lord Nasch let out a bark of dry laughter, tenderly fingering the broken end. "Yeah, I know. But just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you didn't."

I stared horrified, but I couldn't possibly object. "I…I know. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

There was a dull thud, and my right arm involuntarily flew back. Lord Nasch had knocked his fist against my shoulder, but it didn't hurt. "There," he said to my confused face. "Now we're even. "

"Even…" Hysterical laughter rose up in my chest, but I smothered it until it was just a sputter of giggles. "Yeah. I guess we're even."

"So, are you going to come eat dinner with me, or are you going to mope around in your room all day?"

"Yeah… I guess dinner will be nice." Cerberus rose up, but I shook my head. I'd be fine, I told it, and I whispered for it to go fetch me something in the meantime.

Dinner was lobster with slices of citrus glazed meat on the side. Just the sight made my mouth water. It was still painful to swallow food with my swollen throat, but the food was so good, how could I not at least try to eat?

"Lord Nasch, how old are you?" He gave me an odd look, but he told me. He was close to my age, then. "You were able unite your lands so young."

"Yeah, it was an accomplishment, all right." He cracked the lobster shell, snap, snap, snap. "But the lords of the three other islands were stubborn. Father died when Merag and I were eleven. This island had the best location for trade and connections to the mainland, so I guess even at eleven I had a bit of an advantage. Still, those annoying nobles frowned at being pulled around by a kid less than half their age." He chuckled to himself, breaking off a claw.

"So you were speaking from experience?"

"Yeah, I guess I was." A sad glimmer of a smile hung on his lips. "I thought it would be easy. I sure was wrong. Yeah, I guess we all agreed that we had more in common than not, that's all. Either that, or they got tired of bullying me. Whatever, I still won."

"But we're not." I wrung my hands, staring at the ground. "You and I are too different. My family's wanted your lands for generations. My father hated me believe I didn't believe the same thing he did. I know my father's generals call me crazy for not crushing you the moment I could. But even knowing that… I'm not the same as you. So… how can we ever agree?"

Lord Nasch snorted. "Well, we can't, not with that attitude of yours. All that talk of peace before was just a lie?"

"More like I just never admitted it to myself. I-" the more I talked, the more I realized my royal dignity was gone. "-I just want to be happy. I don't think I can do that if I'm where I am now."

It took a long time for Lord Nasch to speak again. "Have you tried?"

"Yes," I said, my throat sick with every word that passed out of it, "and both my parents died."

We sat without words, listening to Lord Nasch snap the lobster shell. "Well, it's not completely all right to forget yourself for your job."

"But we're not people, we're kings."

"That's true, this is our destiny," Lord Nasch swallowed down his glass of wine. "But that doesn't mean we can't try hard."

I wordlessly picked at my lobster. Father would stir up countries, taunting them at their borders, only to crush them the moment they took military action, and then shift the blame to their careless leaders. The people of that country would blame their leaders for their own suffering, and even though my father's military was an occupying force, it was still considered a better option than the so-called selfish nobles. From the very start, the kingdoms surrounding us had been nothing more than pieces to tack onto our lands and make us stronger.

The more I think about it… the more I realize… father was quite the despicable man.

Lord Nasch poured himself another cup of wine. "That's a pretty unpleasant face you're making."

"Well, it's that," my shoulders sagged, and even the aroma of lobster wasn't enough to cheer me up, "father was really scum, wasn't he? But even knowing that-" I chomped on my lips, peeling away the skin there until it was rough and uneven. No matter how I said it, it was still incredibly shameful.

Lord Nasch snorted. "I can't really lecture you. I loved my old man, but sometimes I think that I'm too young for this." He darkly chuckled, fingering the pendant around his neck. "Damn him for dying so soon."

"That pendant was his?"

"Yeah, he made it for me." I think he noticed the lingering apology on my lips, because he quickly added, "You already said you're sorry. I believe you, so cut that out."

"Now you believe me?"

"I'm not stupid enough to deny misery when I see it." He raised his glass towards me before drinking it down.

"That's your third cup of wine. Do you drink this fast all the time?"

"I do not have a drinking problem," he said, as if anticipating my thoughts, "I have responsibilities. Plus, Durbe said he'd be free tonight, but there he goes, running off and doing his knightly duties or whatever he calls it. Some welcome home that is." He scoffed and harshly snapped a lobster claw, and I just sat there and chuckled to myself. He frowned, and I tried to stop, to little avail. "What, you have a problem?"

"Most of my father's generals think I'm crazy because they can't hear the Guardians like I can. I don't think I'm in any position to criticize."

Lord Nasch shook his head. "You're so weird," he said, but it didn't sound malicious.

There was an urgent knocking on the door, and in stormed Lady Merag, with Cerberus at her heels. "Why was this thing pawing at my door?" she growled, shooting a look at Cerberus.

Cerberus didn't even seem to be slightly perturbed, and plodded forward, the thing I had asked for clamped firmly in its mouths. "It probably got lost," I assured her, scratching Cerberus tenderly on the head. "Isn't that right?"

It let out a bark of affirmation, and the twins exchanged glances with each other. As they were distracted, Cerberus dropped the item into my hands, and I placed it on my lap. "Lord Nasch," I sweetly said, you wouldn't happen to have the broken part of your pendant on you, do you?"

He furrowed his brow but nodded, producing the fragment from his pocket, which I quickly snatched out of his hands. The moment I yanked off his pendant again, Merag let out a sharp yell of anger, but I just sat back in my chair and started playing with the wire Cerberus had given me. It was thin wire, so I could bend it easily in my hands and aside went the lobster so I had some space to work.

I hadn't done this for years, but every bend and twist teased at my memory. It was all coming back to me, this process as easy as breathing, making my head light up with delight.

With one last twist, it was done. "Lord Nasch," I said and held out the pendant, now bandaged in wire gauze. It was still broken, but now it looked more complete. "I don't have any hammers or casts so I can't make you a new one. But I hope it looks a little better…"

He didn't reply, and with my bowed head, I couldn't see his expression. Finally, I felt it lift off my hands and I looked up to see Nasch retying the cord around his neck. He flicked at it, and when the wires didn't shift, let out a small grunt.

"Hey Merag," he said, "It doesn't look too terrible, does it?"

Lady Merag blinked, but a small smile crept up her lips. "Not  _too_  terrible."

"Yeah," Lord Nasch sighed into his cup of wine, swirling it in his hand. "This will do."

We decided to talk politics later. As for tonight, we could enjoy the dinner together as people, not as royals.

When I returned to my room, tired from talking for hours and hours, I was greeted by a pair of red eyes. It was back, still lurking in the shadows. Its blades were sharp, and I could feel the hair on my neck bristle when I looked at them, but somehow- I managed to swallow down my uneasiness and shouted, "You- Excuse me! You there!"

He looked at me expectantly, but didn't talk. When I looked at it closer, he didn't even have a mouth to talk from, how silly of me!

"Back then, when my father-" I gulped down the sore lump in my throat, "-attacked me. You didn't kill him. He died on his own. You- weren't trying to kill me. You were just trying to protect me, weren't you?"

He gave a slow nod, and I glumly hung my head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you all those times. It's too cruel to be rewarded for your efforts with insults."

The God didn't answer, but he floated a bit closer, fully solid for the first time. Now that he wasn't bathed in black shadows, I couldn't stop staring at him. He was fascinating and silent in its deadliness.

"You're the nameless God we pray to, aren't you? The one my lady grandmother said was reborn in me?"

The God nodded, and I felt flooded with shame. It was a struggle to keep even a flicker of a smile on my face. "I don't suppose you could tell me your name… could you? If I even deserve it at this point…"

He raised his great blade, and I tried not to flinch as it gently prodded my chest. "You want me to name you?"

He nodded again, and I understood. A new name for a new life. "Um…Um…" Gods have to be regal and all-commanding, with a name that inspires awe and fear. It had to be perfect… "How about Judge Buster?"

The moment it came out my mouth, I instantly regretted it. It sounded so stupid, like something a three year old would come up with!

Still, he let out a low grunt of approval, and I lightly grasped the edge of one his bladed arms, as if to give him a handshake. "In that case, nice to meet you! I'm sorry for ignoring you all this time, but I won't ever again! Okay?"

"My lord?" The yell dropped my gaze from the God, and I whirled around to see who called me. It was one of my advisors, standing in the doorway with a worried look on his face. "You were talking to yourself. Is everything all right?"

I looked back to where the God once stood, but there was nothing but shadows on the stone walls.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I assured him, "I was just talking with an old friend."

In my head, something still whispers to me that I want to die, and it's not wrong. I still do. One day I'll die and wander the mirrored hells with the God who held me long before I knew how to open my eyes. And somehow, that thought isn't so frightening anymore.

I don't want to survive. I want to get older, and I hope that the adult I become isn't the adult I see repeating in the painted histories on the castle walls.

So goodbye, whispers. Goodbye, mother. Goodbye, father. Goodbye, tormenting shadows. Farewell forever. I'm going to keep this empire you left behind and rule it as nobody else but myself.

I took the circlet off my head and dreamed peacefully for the first time in what felt like forever.


	5. In the End it is not Well

_Catvari said you chased her away. You probably have no idea how insulting it is for a neutral being to be associated with one particular person or concept. She was very upset, even if she didn’t expect you to praise her for your efforts. But no doubt, you probably consider anything even slightly tied to me to be corrupted and worthless. Your ruthless simplicity in dividing concepts is annoying at times._

_How long will this conflict go on? If we all believe we’re right, and there is just two people arguing, then the final vote will be forever one to one, and go nowhere. We will have to solve this problem with force, instead of ideals._

_A perfect world, that’s our end goal in the end, isn’t it? Mine is one filled with life, and yours is one filled with order. You shun my ideals and you send your autonomous creation to cast me out, but you don’t kill me. Is that because killing one’s comrade is a sin worthy of casting you out of your paradise? Or is this your way of torturing me with my loss for a while?_

_Your single-mindedness is your worst trait, truly._

_And yet, despite your strange shade of mercy, you are still reading this letter of mine. Now that is more telling than anything else._

_You and I had laughed at the foolishness of those humans that swallowed mercury to gain immortality, but then you go ahead and do just that. Even I cannot deny that there’s a difference between those that drink it as a poison, and those that drink it as medicine. There is nothing crueler than delusions, especially those that are constructed for one’s own comfort. Eventually, the delusions will wear down, as all barriers do. When that happens, there is nothing but the truth, and what’s colder than that?_

_And so, I can’t help but shake my head at you for a bit._

_You, who understand me more than anyone else, take the conscious effort to shun me. That, in itself, is a thought I find to always turn down my lips.  I have to admit, it’s slightly disappointing for someone like you to be unable to grasp the true nature of Chaos itself._

_Chaos is ‘truth’. And so Chaos is also ‘life’. To deny Chaos as a whole is to reduce yourself to a fragile shell of your potential. Weren’t you always advocating for improving yourself and ranking up whenever you can?_

_It is a bit sickening to see you swallow poison and call it a cure, but if that’s the path you choose, then I will gladly stand against you. With the denial of life comes the eternity of death, and while the Astrals are strong, you have condemned them to a slow rot. And you call me cruel._

_I can picture you frowning as you read this, but I didn’t write this letter just to make fun of you._

_If you cast the argument that I missed my chance, I cannot deny it. I had my moment, and it was foiled by that adjucutting Number. I’ll be nursing those deep cuts for a while. Shame that such an opportunity will never come again. If you decide to call it a loss, then that interpretation is probably appropriate. So please rejoice as much as you wish over your minor victory in this time._

_Three isn’t as perfect as a number as seven is, but it is still more than enough to tip the scales in my favor._

_This will be my last letter to you. When I wake up again, I’ll be sure to destroy you to my heart’s content. After all, that’s just the way things are, right?_

_You say everything is in the name of duty, but at least try to have a bit of fun as you try to kill me. It would be dreadfully boring if you didn’t at least try._

_So my good friend and most terrible enemy, let me sleep for a while._

_-Don Thousand_


End file.
